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Podcast: Understanding Your Primary Love Language, by Dr. Ben Kim
Posted by Dr. Ben Kim on Jun 25, 2008
Do you know anyone who just doesn't get along with his or her significant other? Here is an important question for him or her to consider:
Of the following five choices, which one makes you feel most loved and cared about?
- Kind words - when your partner speaks kindly to you, encourages you, gives you an unexpected and genuine compliment, or tells you that he or she cares about you.
- Quality time - when you and your partner spend quality time together, enjoying a meaningful conversation or just having a fun date.
- Gifts - when your partner surprises you with a gift. The cost of the gift is irrelevant. You feel cared about because he or she spent time thinking about you and what you might like.
- Acts of service - when your significant other does things that makes your life less stressful or more enjoyable. Like the feeling you get when you're tired and hungry after a long day, only to be pleasantly surprised to find that the dishes are already washed, the lawn is mowed, or there is a yummy meal waiting for you.
- Physical affection - when you and your partner hold hands, hug, and share physical contact that reflects deeply caring about each other.
In his book, The Five Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman discusses how each of us are geared towards having a primary love language. Whichever option you chose to the question above is your primary love language - the way in which you most feel loved and cared about.
What's interesting is that your significant other's primary love language may be completely different from yours. Not recognizing this key potential difference can leave even the best of people sad and confused about why they just can't seem to have a happy relationship.
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