To Appear Tearful or About to Cry

In receiving a steady stream of questions from all over the globe, there are times when I notice developing trends in human health issues. Sleep deficiency from cell phone addiction is one that I noticed a few years ago. Today, I have this sense that depression has become the most worrisome health issue for those living in developed countries.

Some call it social media depression - feeling down about one's life because of constant exposure to flashes of happy moments on other people's Facebook or Instagram accounts.

Others call it the plague of the worried well - those who aren't in danger of dying from starvation or exposure to harsh elements, but feel that lack of fulfillment and genuine connection with others make life unbearable.

And then there is a significant segment of our population whose brain chemistry has been altered and made more prone to having suicidal thoughts by recreational and prescription drugs, and sadly, many said drugs are initially prescribed for depression, anxiety, or both. These days, I rarely find that a person is taking just one prescribed drug for depression; it's far more common to be on two, three, even a half dozen psychotropic drugs. Abilify with effexor or xanax, anyone?

I don't mean to be flippant or to make light of the seriousness of depression. It's the number one cause of disability in our world, and suicide from mental illness - most commonly depression - is the second leading cause of death in young people today.

I don't have sure-fire answers or solutions. But I do have a few observations to share. As a society, it seems that we've come to believe that struggling and feeling down, even despair, are symptoms of disease. For example, to appear tearful or about to cry is actually considered by the psychiatric community at large to be a symptom of depression.

Thinking back, the times in my life when I have sobbed uncontrollably were essential to my growth and capacity to be of value to others.

I think it's pretty clear that we're not supposed to be constantly happy. We are supposed to struggle a lot, to have doubts and worries, to cry when we're sad, to be lonely when we don't feel mutual fondness with a loved one. If we don't know what these states are, how are we to truly appreciate times of joy, triumph, financial security, belly laughter, and loving connection with others?

If we regularly numb our pain, we also numb our capacity to be fully present for moments of happiness, celebration, and camaraderie.

If we don't work diligently to develop useful skills and to be of service to others, can we feel truly fulfilled? For me, herein lies the simple principle that governs our existence: life is most meaningfully lived when we are learning, growing, and of service to those who wish to do the same.

My feeling is that there are no shortcuts to anything of lasting value in life, that there's no amount of money or a relationship that will give us what we are ultimately seeking.

Beyond the pages of Hollywood scripts, things don't always play out like they did for Jerry Maguire and Dorothy Boyd. Or Noah and Allie. If we go into a relationship looking primarily for the other to complete us, take care of us, or even to make us happier, we are likely setting up for disappointment. But I digress. Back to depression.

I used to regularly have patients come to our residential fasting clinic with the goal of re-setting their systems so as to taper off of a cocktail of drugs, and more than any other class, anti-depressants were the hardest to shake. Two, three, even four-week water-only fasts were helpful in shifting momentum for some, but for others, little changed in outlook and quality of life.

If you've read this far because you'd like to know what I've found to be helpful to those who have been able to liberate themselves from chronic or recurrent depression, here are the essentials that stand out:

• Strong incentive to live with a different mindset.

• Less alcohol and caffeine.

• Less sugar and foods made with heavily refined carbohydrates.

• More healthfully prepared nutrient-dense foods with an emphasis on foods rich in healthy fats. To name just a few: leafy vegetables, organic eggs, avocados, olives, healthy oils, nuts, seeds, cold-water fish, meat from consciously raised or wild animals, summer or hard squashes. And whenever there are cravings for carb-rich foods: fruits, minimally processed grains, legumes, and root vegetables.

• More physical activity and regular perspiration.

• A regular practice of prayer, meditation, or breathing exercises.

• Regular effort to improve at something, to experience progress.

• Actively seeking to empower others or simply brighten the day for another living creature.

• Nurturing authentic connection with others by being genuine, vulnerable, and giving in spirit. Giving materially as well when it's possible, needed, and isn't burdensome to the recipient.

I can write with conviction that adopting some or all of the steps above consistently leads to positive change. But perhaps most importantly, I've found that those who feel more peace have learned to embrace times of sadness and even hopelessness as natural and even necessary valleys. When we allow ourselves to be with what we are feeling without self-rebuke or a mind-numbing or altering agent, we allow the beginnings of a new scar that will eventually serve us and those around us well.

A dear uncle of mine took his life in his 40s, leaving behind a large clan that loved him, including three young children. A physician friend who had many millions and three children under 10 chose to end his life just shy of his 40th birthday. From where I stood, both tragedies occurred without warning.

To honour my uncle, friend, and others who travelled on their own to a point where they felt there wasn't a path to brighter days, I encourage anyone feeling despair to consider the normalcy and even necessity of struggling and feeling down at times. If you can't shift your momentum on your own, if at all possible, please seek professional help from a compassionate mental health care provider who understands the impact that our daily choices in food, thought, and activity have on our well-being and ability to endure times of struggle.

If you have any thoughts you'd like to share on this topic, please consider posting to the comments section below. By openly discussing our emotional struggles, we help destigmatize mental health illness and open the gates to healing and conscious living.