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Emotional Health and Well-Being

Can Selfish People Change To Be Genuinely Warm and Loving?

Hi Dr. Ben,

I've been following your blog for many years now and have found so much comfort in similar experiences that we've had with family and friends. I'm writing with hope that you can tell me your opinion on an issue that has been gnawing away at me since I was a teenager.

I have an older brother who I'll call Sam. I'm too exhausted to dance around this so let me just say that he's the worst person I know. He is a real creep. Please allow me to explain why. Read more about Can Selfish People Change To Be Genuinely Warm and Loving?


How To Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You

Originally published in 2006

A few days ago, I was flipping through an Oprah magazine that my wife borrowed from our public library when I came across a short piece on forgiveness by playwright and actor Tyler Perry.

Here's the part that I felt a strong connection to: Read more about How To Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You


Thoughts on Forgiving Someone Who Has Hurt You, by Myra Bailes

Originally published in March of 2009

I definitely agree that forgiveness is often more about freeing oneself from limiting, painful emotions than it is about releasing the person who hurt you from responsibility for their actions.

Many times the people who hurt others are so unconscious of their own inner processes that they will continue to behave in the same or similar ways throughout their lives. They are simply too damaged and too ignorant to be able to do what it takes to recover and become sane, caring human beings. Read more about Thoughts on Forgiving Someone Who Has Hurt You, by Myra Bailes


The Space Between Stimulus and Response

Originally posted in May 2009

Close friends and family members are typically surprised when they learn that my wife Margaret and I have had a good number of fights over the years. At first glance, both of us are generally viewed as being kind, thoughtful, and maybe even a bit shy. So jaws tend to drop when people find out that we're far from being the Cleavers. Read more about The Space Between Stimulus and Response


Cutting Ties With A Family Member

A short while ago, I received the following note from a reader in Connecticut:

Dear Dr. Kim,

After suffering for days after another huge dust-up with my dad, I was googling words of comfort when I found your journal on the blow up you had with your father over home-schooling.

To Reconcile or Not To Reconcile

I related so much to you feeling helpless and at the mercy of a toxic, self-centered narcissist. This is how I have felt throughout most of my history with my dad. Read more about Cutting Ties With A Family Member


To Reconcile or Not to Reconcile

Earlier this year, my wife Margaret and I decided to homeschool our boys. We agonized over this decision for more than a year, weighing our options and thinking about how to best support our sons as they grow and mature into thoughtful, service-minded, self-sufficient, and emotionally intelligent adults. Read more about To Reconcile or Not to Reconcile


Thoughts for My Sons

Dear Joshua and Noah:

I trust that you know how much I adore both of you. Being your father has been the greatest gift of my life.

As you know, I'm far from perfect. And the truth is that you will learn all that you really need to learn during your lifetimes from your own choices and experiences.

But here are some random thoughts that I hope you keep close to your hearts as you try to find meaning through the ups and downs that are ahead. Read more about Thoughts for My Sons


Grieving the Loss of a Child

I don't think any of us can understand how devastating it is to lose a child unless we have gone through this. I can't even go there in my own heart - such a loss is unimaginable.

In suffering the death of elders in my family over the years, I have experienced grief in many forms. Shock, confusion, disbelief, guilt, regret - these are the main emotions that I recall feeling in the months after losing a loved one.

Christina, a friend who lost her grown son late last year reached out to me the other day with the following note: Read more about Grieving the Loss of a Child


Advice for a Reader

This is a call for those among our readership who can draw upon their life experiences to share any advice or thoughts of comfort for Beatrice, who sent me the following note last week:

Hi Ben Kim,

Thank you so much for your unique posts. I have truly enjoyed all of them and always look forward to getting them.


Is Your Kid Worth $100 Million?

Many thanks to Michael Lazerow for allowing me to re-publish his article here. I trust that it will inspire. - Ben Kim

Would you sell one of your kids for $100 million? Be honest.

Imagine your little Ben didn't burp or fart or throw up when your boss came over. Or think flushing the toilet was "mom's job." But sat quietly with other Benjamins in piles of crisp, neatly organized rows, ready to be enjoyed. Read more about Is Your Kid Worth $100 Million?




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