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Last week, I published a post detailing the struggles that my father and I have gone through over the past few months. I shared this post with hope that it would mean something to at least one person out there.
In reading through several hundred responses that flooded the comments section, our facebook page, our general inbox, and my personal e-mail account, I am left with a number of feelings.
First, I am thankful to each of you who understood that my intent was not to vilify my father, but to share how I processed the mutual hurt that surrounded our disagreement over homeschooling. My post was a chronicle of my attempt to find peace and to understand my father. I am certain that my father sees our recent experience with a mostly different viewpoint than mine, and though I hope that he has come to a better understanding of me, all I can ultimately wish is for him to find peace.
Second, I am deeply moved by those of you who shared your stories. I'm elated for those who found a way to reconcile with loved ones. I feel badly for those who haven't been able to mend a broken relationship and are not at peace. I feel fulfilled in knowing that some of you found comfort in realizing that you are not alone in your struggles - your responses provided this very comfort for me. And I am greatly inspired by those of you who felt moved to take a step or two toward finding peace within a fractured relationship that continues to affect your well-being on some level every day.
I have long believed that struggles within our closest relationships have a greater effect on our health than any other factor. When we are depressed, frustrated, or outright angry because we feel violated by a loved one, we coat our insides with hormones and neurotransmitters that are designed to help us respond to stress, but that accelerate aging. Stress-response chemicals are helpful for survival when we run into a big brown grizzly bear in the mountains, but most unhelpful in maintaining long term wellness.
Heartfelt thanks to those of you who shared encouraging thoughts on the decision to homeschool our boys for now. For the few who expressed curiosity on what our boys want, having tried conventional schooling, both are thrilled to be homeschooling. They are developing beautifully in so many ways, and share a brotherly love that brings Margaret and I abundant joy. They may attend a conventional school one day - if they express the desire to go or we feel that they could stand to benefit from conventional schooling, we will send them. But for now, given that they are healthy and well on their way to being emotionally intelligent people, we are grateful for the opportunity to homeschool them.
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Comments
homeschooling
I'm a 69 yr old g'mother and I'll admit I had some reservations when my daughter decided to homeschool her children. Five years into it, I'm delighted she made the choice. The kids are way above grade level and have no social issues. The best part for me is that I get to participate - I give them piano lessons, facilitate a book club for them, and am involved in countless ways that never would happen if they were in school. Maybe if your father had a role in the schooling he'd find it's really a great idea.
That is a wonderful idea -
That is a wonderful idea - perhaps there is a library or other educational site nearby that your dad can walk your sons to once or twice a week for an educational excursion, particularly since he specifically expressed the dream of walking them to school. I'm certain that there is probably something most of our parents can offer in an educational sense to their grandchildren. My mother does crafts with my nieces, teaching them sewing and other tasks that are good to know. There is something to the idea that it takes a village to raise a child!
HOME SCHOOL YES!!
Dr. Kim,
I can see how you have developed to be such an extraordinary person and leader in our society. I want to recognize you for this. I actually found you years ago when I was looking for a water fast and the boys were younger. You wrote me a personal note and I was very impressed by your life and choices then, which was to spend more time at home with Margaret and your children. Now, you continue to amaze me.
I did find my water fast, btw, in Panama, and went on to study. I am also home schooling our UNVACCINATED child, who is healthier and smarter than her peers who go to school and who are vaccinated. There are many home school programs that are like your dad's perception of school, so that, you might suggest to him that he come along to the home school group activities. Let's see if he actually enjoys them and actually enjoys being there with the kids. Plenty of opportunity. Your mother, like mine and so many other people, has a misconception and misperception of the social aspect of school. My child socializes with people younger than her age and older than her age ALL DAY LONG, while her peers are locked behind the desk unable to socialize. So I find this a big myth. So, Dr. Kim, I don't know about you, however, I would not vaccinate just because my parents or anyone else wanted me to.
I am here to encourage you. Public school is not all it's cracked up to be. I am a trained Waldorf teacher also and am not sending my child to school. Instead, I am using my talents to learn more about teaching my own child. There are so many ways to learn, so many people to consult with, hire, so many groups to attend, so many activities for them that will go far and beyond a school experience.
So, it's not a matter of reconcile or not. You may have no choice in the matter. You cannot reconcile alone. You have held out an olive branch but it seems to me that your father must make an effort to communicate and give up a sticky notion of a yellow bus or a brick building of a school. I wish and pray for him to have a truer and broader experience with his grandsons. He is so blessed to have them. So let him jump into the arena of interaction with them and show that he is willing to be a real part of their lives.