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Emotional Health and Well-Being

When a Loved One Struggles

At a recent tennis tournament, our 11-year old son was in the midst of a challenging match with a good friend of his. It was the sort of match where one doesn't want to see either child dispirted. So when I saw our son's light go out late in the match when he was thoroughly exhausted and frustrated, it was I who became dispirited, hopefully not outwardly, but definitely within. Read more

 

What We Remember

In late winter of 2012 when our boys were 6 and 4, we spent a couple of days at an indoor resort that happened to be hosting the Under-14 Provincial Tennis Championship for Ontario. What an eye-opening experience it was to see 13 and 14 year-olds playing at such a high level, displaying many of the skills and competitive spirit that one might see on the pro tour. Read more

 

Six Questions to Consider in Choosing a Life Partner

I've long felt that choosing a life partner should be a subject that is thoroughly discussed sometime in high school and perhaps even in university. It amazes me that so little time, if any, is given to considering this topic on a meaningful level in school. Read more

 

Mindful Parenting for Gritty Children

If you're raising young children or even teenagers and wonder from time to time if your approach to parenting will yield emotionally intelligent, courageous, and persevering progeny, I think you'll find Dr. Angela Duckworth's book on Grit to be a worthwhile read. Read more

 

How To Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You

Originally published in 2006

A few days ago, I was flipping through an Oprah magazine that my wife borrowed from our public library when I came across a short piece on forgiveness by playwright and actor Tyler Perry.

Here's the part that I felt a strong connection to: Read more

 

Thoughts on Forgiving Someone Who Has Hurt You, by Myra Bailes

Originally published in March of 2009

I definitely agree that forgiveness is often more about freeing oneself from limiting, painful emotions than it is about releasing the person who hurt you from responsibility for their actions.

Many times the people who hurt others are so unconscious of their own inner processes that they will continue to behave in the same or similar ways throughout their lives. They are simply too damaged and too ignorant to be able to do what it takes to recover and become sane, caring human beings. Read more

 

The Space Between Stimulus and Response

Originally posted in May 2009

Close friends and family members are typically surprised when they learn that my wife Margaret and I have had a good number of fights over the years. At first glance, both of us are generally viewed as being kind, thoughtful, and maybe even a bit shy. So jaws tend to drop when people find out that we're far from being the Cleavers. Read more

 

Thoughts for My Sons

Dear Joshua and Noah:

I trust that you know how much I adore both of you. Being your father has been the greatest gift of my life.

As you know, I'm far from perfect. And the truth is that you will learn all that you really need to learn during your lifetimes from your own choices and experiences.

But here are some random thoughts that I hope you keep close to your hearts as you try to find meaning through the ups and downs that are ahead. Read more

 

Grieving the Loss of a Child

I don't think any of us can understand how devastating it is to lose a child unless we have gone through this. I can't even go there in my own heart - such a loss is unimaginable.

In suffering the death of elders in my family over the years, I have experienced grief in many forms. Shock, confusion, disbelief, guilt, regret - these are the main emotions that I recall feeling in the months after losing a loved one.

Christina, a friend who lost her grown son late last year reached out to me the other day with the following note: Read more

 

Advice for a Reader

This is a call for those among our readership who can draw upon their life experiences to share any advice or thoughts of comfort for Beatrice, who sent me the following note last week:

Hi Ben Kim,

Thank you so much for your unique posts. I have truly enjoyed all of them and always look forward to getting them.

 

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Notes

After 21 years, we made the difficult decision to bring our catalogue to a close. To stay connected with Dr. Kim's writings, please feel free to subscribe for free here: Dr. Ben Kim on Substack. Sending best wishes and thanks to all.