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Emotional Health and Well-Being

When Our Loved Ones Suffer

When a loved one experiences something hurtful and is suffering, I think the instinct for most of us is to identify silver linings and do what we can to fix things.

As a parent to 13 and 11-year old boys, I've come to feel that while there is value in trying to be helpful when they are feeling down, what I'd most like to do beyond offering empathy and a comforting presence is to have them feel the belief that I have in them to eventually find a way to a better place, to transcend their suffering through their own thoughts and efforts. Read more about When Our Loved Ones Suffer

 

That Magic Finger

Originally posted in May of 2015

From the time our older son was a toddler, he has shown a disposition for sport. Though quite shy by nature, when it comes time to run and hit fuzzy balls, his eyes sparkle and he exudes the kind of joy that I imagine all parents wish upon their children.

As he has grown to love competing on the tennis court, as a family, we have struggled to figure out how to deal with those who blatantly cheat. It's the dirty little secret of the junior tennis world, only it isn't a secret at all. In this gladiatorial sport that often involves the one-on-one intensity of boxing, there are some families who simply don't mind their children cheating others for a win. Our son is now 9 years old and we have been witness to ruthless repeated cheating by kids who clearly know better, all while their parents stand by with their steely gazes, clearly not bothered that their children are robbing others of their hard work. Read more about That Magic Finger

 

Times of Conflict Make or Break Relationships

It’s how we behave during times of conflict that ultimately determines the quality of our relationships.

To like, love, and even to adore are effortless when all is good.

But how well do we listen with deep intent to understand when there is disagreement?

How capable are we of considering our shortcomings and how we might have contributed to any conflict at hand?

If we can’t offer heartfelt empathy, and we refuse to take responsibility for our contributions to hurt feelings, the fracture only grows wider. Read more about Times of Conflict Make or Break Relationships

 

Thoughts From a Former Tiger Mom

Dear Dr. Kim,

This is out of character for me but I feel compelled to write to you so I'm letting down my guard and following my heart.

I have much to be thankful for. I had responsible parents who took care of all my essential needs growing up. Being immigrants from China, they didn't believe in brand names and luxuries. They were all about buying only bare bones necessities and saving the rest for the future, including my university education. What my parents lacked in warmth they compensated for in making sure I was never going to be hungry or homeless. Read more about Thoughts From a Former Tiger Mom

 

Can Selfish People Change?

Hi Dr. Ben,

I've been following your blog for many years now and have found so much comfort in similar experiences that we've had with family and friends. I'm writing with hope that you can tell me your opinion on an issue that has been gnawing away at me since I was a teenager.

I have an older brother who I'll call Sam. I'm too exhausted to dance around this so let me just say that he's the worst person I know. He is a real creep. Please allow me to explain why. Read more about Can Selfish People Change?

 

What Most Physicians and Researchers Won't Tell You About Your Health

Updated on April 5, 2019

Once in a while, I receive requests for references to back up some of information on self health care that I share throughout this website. If a post doesn't have citations for published studies, some people refuse to consider its contents. Believe it or not, some of these folks get downright ornery about this issue.

My response is two-fold: Read more about What Most Physicians and Researchers Won't Tell You About Your Health

 

What Does A Truly Good Friend Look Like?

Originally posted in July of 2018

I've always loved the Korean word for friendship - it's pronounced "oo jung." There was a time in my 20s when oojung was actually the bulk of my e-mail address, back when gmail didn't exist and most of us were at yahoo or hotmail.

More than ever, I find myself considering what constitutes a healthy friendship, for my own well-being, and also to do what I can to help our boys understand what a truly good friend looks like. Read more about What Does A Truly Good Friend Look Like?

 

Why I Moved to Korea in my late 20s

One of our readers requested notes with our vlogs for those who prefer reading rather than listening. Maddie's question along with notes written to summarize what was covered in the vlog are included below.

Shared with permission:

Dear Dr. Kim, Read more about Why I Moved to Korea in my late 20s

 

2 Ways to Decrease Risk of Dementia Plus Thoughts on Loneliness Among the Elderly

For more discussion on how to ward off loneliness, isolation, and depression, please visit:

https://drbenkim.com/thoughts-from-our-elders.htm

Or you can contribute to this discussion in the comments section under this video at our YouTube channel: Read more about 2 Ways to Decrease Risk of Dementia Plus Thoughts on Loneliness Among the Elderly

 

Thoughts on Supporting Our Elders

In today's newsletter, I mentioned that I'll soon be giving a talk to some students that will touch on the growing epidemic of loneliness, isolation, and depression among the elderly in developed countries. I included a request for some feedback from our readership. Specifically, for those in their 60s and beyond, I asked the following two questions:

What do you value most at this point in your life?

And thinking back to earlier seasons of your journey, what would you do differently if you knew what you do now? Read more about Thoughts on Supporting Our Elders

 

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