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Emotional Health and Well-Being

Rejection

Originally published on August 17, 2010

I've come to believe that as parents, we often have far more to learn from our children than they do from us.

Our older son Joshua, now four and a half years old, is reserved, thoughtful, and gentle by disposition. These days, he lives to experience new and exciting things like riding the subway in Toronto for the first time, discovering the magic of helium balloons, and meeting new characters and worlds through trips to our local library. Read more about Rejection

 

The Magic of Untethering from My Cell Phone

Earlier this year, I decided to untether from my cell phone. I have a feeling this will rank among a few of the best decisions of my life when my time here is up.

Why untether? Primarily because on careful reflection, I concluded that having my iPhone on me for most of my waking hours was hurting my quality of life in a significant way. In constantly being available for the world to put me into reactive mode, spending my energy on issues that don't need my immediate attention right now or ever, I have far less capacity to be fully present in the moment. Read more about The Magic of Untethering from My Cell Phone

 

How to Deal With Freeloading Moochers

From Our Mailbag:

Hi Dr. Kim,

I read with interest your article on Jason and people like him who frequently take advantage of others. I've been struggling with this very issue for several years, wanting to be helpful to a friend and wanting to see the best in him, but with passage of time and countless disheartening "favors" I've realized that this person will not stop taking advantage of me until I put an end to it. Read more about How to Deal With Freeloading Moochers

 

Sometimes You Just Have To Say Good-Bye

When I was in graduate school, I was lucky to be grouped with a fellow intern who I'll call Jason. Not lucky as in blessed to have a friend who I enjoyed spending time with; lucky as in fortunate to learn what I should stay away from.

I'm not going to attempt to be generous in my recollection of Jason. He was a prototypical user, someone whose idea of being a good friend was gracing you with his good looks over lunch in exchange for you picking up the tab. Read more about Sometimes You Just Have To Say Good-Bye

 

Slomo: The Man Who Got Away to Real Freedom

Many thanks to Lucy and Shelby for sharing Slomo's story with me. I trust it will inspire and uplift some out there.

For a written piece on Dr. John Kitchin, aka Slomo, please view:

'Slomo' by Josh Izenberg at The New York Times Read more about Slomo: The Man Who Got Away to Real Freedom

 

How We Measure Success

I can't speak for other cultures, but I can confirm that most Korean parents love discussing how well their grown children are doing with their careers. Seriously, if you put longtime Korean friends in their 60's and beyond at a restaurant table for an hour, chances are good that you'll end up with a world-class brag-fest that is veiled in feigned humility. Read more about How We Measure Success

 

When Giving Leads to Resentment

In wrestling with a number of feelings surrounding giving and resentment, I share my thoughts here with hope that doing so might be cathartic for me and perhaps others who might stumble upon this post and feel that they are not alone.

My parents immigrated to Canada from Korea in 1971, two years before I was born. Details are fuzzy, but my understanding is that my father decided to explore prospects of a better life outside of the Korean Air Force, and word from his brother who had already emigrated to Canada was that it was a fine place to start anew. Read more about When Giving Leads to Resentment

 

To Reconcile or Not to Reconcile

Earlier this year, my wife Margaret and I decided to homeschool our boys. We agonized over this decision for more than a year, weighing our options and thinking about how to best support our sons as they grow and mature into thoughtful, service-minded, self-sufficient, and emotionally intelligent adults. Read more about To Reconcile or Not to Reconcile

 

The Power of a Heartfelt Sorry

If I can impart just one bit of relationship advice to our sons before I no longer have any influence on their development, it is this:

A genuine apology from the heart can heal, nourish, and inspire in ways that no amount of money or counselling can.

I feel this holds true in every type of relationship, be it between life partners, parents and their children, friends, work colleagues, and businesses and their clients. Based on my life experiences thus far, I can't help but believe that the majority of us humans don't fully understand the value of delivering a heartfelt sorry.

In the moment that we realize that we have made a mistake or we are told by someone that we have hurt his or her feelings, whether our mistake was purposeful or inadvertent, do we have the emotional intelligence to process our mistake, take full responsibility for it, and deliver a genuine apology? Read more about The Power of a Heartfelt Sorry

 

Getting Clear On Our Why

When I was in chiropractic school, I remember hearing a number of students and professors say that the head of the orthopedic department - I'll call him Dr. Jones - was by far the most knowledgeable practitioner at our clinic. Many marveled at his understanding of the biomechanics of human movement and his wealth of experience in physical medicine and rehabilitation.

I strongly considered pursuing one of two or three coveted orthopedic residencies with Dr. Jones upon graduation, but decided instead to move to rural Alaska and run a clinic on my own. Read more about Getting Clear On Our Why

 

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