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Emotional Health and Well-Being

Learning To Trust Our Instincts

As life continues to roll along, I'm realizing how important it is to trust my instincts with people - ignoring our gut feelings can lead to enormous heartache and wasted years.

It's a fact of life that some humans are intent on taking advantage of others.  They want you in their life only if they can consistently use you for their benefit with little to no thought of being a good friend in return.  And quite often, such people have enough interpersonal skills to fool most decent people into believing that they, too, are decent. Read more

 

How to Deal With Freeloading Moochers

From Our Mailbag:

Hi Dr. Kim,

I read with interest your article on Jason and people like him who frequently take advantage of others. I've been struggling with this very issue for several years, wanting to be helpful to a friend and wanting to see the best in him, but with passage of time and countless disheartening "favors" I've realized that this person will not stop taking advantage of me until I put an end to it. Read more

 

Would Those In Our Circle Of Life Choose Us In Another Lifetime?

Widespread stay-at-home policies are leading to an increase in domestic violence all over the globe.  

This is a sad reality that social workers and first responders are well aware of - statistics indicate that whenever families spend more time together, domestic violence increases.   Read more

 

What If We Knew Everyone's Date of Death?

What if we could see everyone's date of death in an imaginary bubble above their head?

How would knowing the day that people will die impact the way we see and treat them?

Take a moment to think about the people around you, those you know best.  Are you consistently treating them as you would if you knew the precise day when they will be gone?

What would you change about your approach to life if you knew your own date of expiration and that of those around you? Read more

 

The Power of a Heartfelt Apology

Updated on February 6, 2020

If I can share just one bit of relationship advice to our sons before I no longer have much influence on their development, it is this:

A genuine apology from the heart can heal, nourish, and inspire in ways that no amount of money or counselling can.

I feel this holds true in every type of relationship, including between life partners, parents and their children, friends, work colleagues, teachers and students, and businesses and their clients. Based on my life experiences thus far, I've come to believe that many humans don't appreciate the value of delivering a heartfelt sorry.

In the moment that we realize that we have made a mistake or we are told by someone that we have hurt their feelings, whether our mistake was purposeful or inadvertent, do we have the emotional intelligence to process our mistake, take full responsibility for it, and deliver a genuine apology? Read more

 

Jonathan Haidt on Social Media-Driven Anxiety Among Kids

For more of Jonathan Haidt's thoughts on a number of pressing current issues, I highly recommend the following book:

The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure Read more

 

The Magic of Untethering from My Cell Phone

Earlier this year, I decided to untether from my cell phone. I have a feeling this will rank among a few of the best decisions of my life when my time here is up.

Why untether? Primarily because on careful reflection, I concluded that having my iPhone on me for most of my waking hours was hurting my quality of life in a significant way. In constantly being available for the world to put me into reactive mode, spending my energy on issues that don't need my immediate attention right now or ever, I have far less capacity to be fully present in the moment. Read more

 

Some of My Core Beliefs Heading Into A New Decade

The best investment that we can make is in our own development.  When we improve ourselves and pursue skills and experiences that bring us fulfillment, we are able to give so much more to those around us.

Sleep is the safest healing agent.  Whenever we are in the midst of a health challenge, one of the best actions we can take to restore wellness is to get more quality sleep.

An ideal diet is one that allows for steady energy and alertness and comfortable bowel movements. Read more

 

Adult Freeloaders Mailbag

This past summer, in sharing some thoughts on how to deal with adults who regularly take advantage of others, I received a number of thoughtful replies, two of which I share here with for added perspective for those who may benefit. Please note that these messages are being shared with permission.

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Dr. Kim, Read more

 

What To Do When A Loved One Is Chronically Negative

Untitled

Dear Dr. Ben,

This was such a wonderful, delicate yet at the same time powerful read.

Among many insights in your post, the biggest gift for me this time was being able to connect the dots in my own life, as you shared that you don't talk with your parents about your hopes and dreams or any important decisions. I finally realized why the dynamic with my mom has been so complicated, especially since I began living more consciously. I always had such a deep desire to connect with my mom and share my life with her, but after sharing I usually have to spend so much time coping with her energy of fear and doubt. It feels so discouraging... I have realized that because she is not working on her own wounds, she will not be able to understand my increasing inner freedom and desire to act in accordance to my heart voice.  Read more

 

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