Thoughts on Parenting

My father was a man of few words, but led by example. He worked from 8am-5pm 5 days a week for about 40 years at the same job,a draftsman for the Gulf Power Electric Co. to support his family, namely my 2 sisters and I, each one year apart in age. He remained faithful to my real mother during this time, according to his Catholic belief that marriage is for a lifetime, in good times and bad, although he had to institutionalize her when I was 3 because she was schizophrenic. (I was actually mothered by my Great Aunt, Mabel Pfeiffer, who stepped into the void, according to God's will, to meet the childrearing needs left by my mother's departure). My father never got visibly angry, at least, I never saw it. He was principled, bore much suffering without complaint, and was steadfast in his ways. Although he may not have actually told me he loved me all that often, as look back on our relationship, I know that his entire life was a demonstration of love toward his family. He is a perfect example of the adage "Actions speak louder than words". Amen.

Thanks, Dr. Kim, for sharing this parenting point of view. No one teaches us how to be good parents unless we had good role models and that's unfortunately rare. I myself did not have a good upbringing. I was not treated as an individual at all and not given a safe outlet to discuss my real feelings and get guidance in the challenges of growing up. But I cannot blame my parents. They just didn't know or couldn't be that kind of a parent. We can't choose our parents but if they love and support us as adults that's good enough. And mine do even though they still are not perfect. That said, I raised my daughter with what I felt was missing in my upbringing, I opened the door for any communication no matter how uncomfortable and I let her make mistakes or skillfully steered her away from the ones she was not old enough to recognize. Sometimes a parent must use a lot of skill to get a child to think the right choice was indeed their idea in the first place;) So my daughter is now a well adjusted young adult, and still knows that none of us are perfect. And that's all I really wanted. Your boys are one of the luckiest ones to have parents like you and your wife. Good luck to you both!

I know what I WISH my parents had done more of when I was young,especially my father: reveal their thoughts and feelings more. I would have been so honored to have heard their weaknesses as well as their strengths. Instead I had to guess what they were going through when they were having problems, or, successes. They confided in each other, probably, but not in me. I remember hearing my father late at night when he came back from his father's funeral. My mother didn't attend because I was 8, my brother was 6, and mom was pregnant with my other brother. The funeral was in another State. I was awakened by my father's sobs as he told her about the funeral. I remember being shocked to hear my father cry. I'd never even seen him shed a tear. Here he was crying hard like I cried when I hurt myself, or I was scared. I was amazed. He didn't know I'd overheard him. In the morning I expected him to cry or talk about the funeral. Nothing.